“And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it.” (Matthew 16:18)
Are you still rocking with me?
My aim is to lead this community with a combination of vulnerability and faith. Soooo here we go.
Ok, so many of you have put two and two together, so I'll go ahead and complete the equation for you. I'm currently going through a separation. I'll share the details someday, but right now, I'm still in the midst of it. If anyone has ever been in this situation, you know it's overwhelmed with a multitude of emotions and thoughts. Especially as someone in ministry and someone who has built my identity around being a wife. I never thought this would happen to me. And now that it has, I've struggled with how to continue leading in ministry while feeling like I'm failing my community, my family, and those who see me as a role model. I've tried to keep this part of my story private because it's a very sensitive topic. And I've already had every scripture, judgment, rumor, and accusation thrown at me. But the opinion that has troubled me the most is what God thinks of me. I've been carrying condemnation like Dora with her backpack.
However, over the last two weeks, I keep receiving unexpected prophetic messages encouraging me to return to ministering. I've been slowly pulling myself out of this pit of shame, but as I always say, the only cure for shame is your testimony. So here's mine:
In the midst of my breaking, God began building within me something stronger than I could have ever anticipated. I’ve been growing stronger mentally, physically, and spiritually. I’ve been supported by the most encouraging community, right in the middle of a city I have no family in. God has covered and protected me. But even more encouraging is that God is saying, “I’m still rocking with you.” And that has brought me to tears. I'm reminded of Peter, one of God's greatest disciples. Remember when Jesus went to Simon and named him Peter, which means 'rock', and he told Peter that on this rock He would build His church? I believe that 'rock' symbolizes grace, forgiveness, and redemption. God’s true church is not built on us being perfect, but on us never becoming so self-assured that we think we don't need God's grace and guidance.
Let’s go a bit further. Peter was confident he would never deny Christ. Yet he denied Him three times. Peter had no idea that was part of his story. For anyone who has been down this road or is currently on it, I am sure you've had moments where you thought, “that would never be me.” Maybe it’s not your relationship. Maybe you had sex before marriage, got pregnant out of wedlock, betrayed a friend, or had an abortion. We've all had an "I would never" moment, and then, suddenly, there we are, doing the very thing we thought we'd never do. But what did Jesus do when Peter walked into his “never” moment? Jesus reaffirmed that Peter still had a purpose, a calling, and added value to this world. "Feed my sheep," He instructed Peter after His resurrection (John 21:17).
As you know, the mission of Tabitha’s Tea Party is to empower women to rise above their challenges. Sometimes life knocks us down when we least expect it. But it’s how we get back up that reveals our true character and faith. If you are familiar with the story of Tabitha in the book of Acts, you know she was dedicated to doing good and helping the poor. Suddenly, she fell sick and passed away. However, through the power of the Holy Spirit, she rose again. If you ever feel like you are too low to get back up, remember her story.
In short, if you're still rocking with God, He’s still rocking with you. We can never predict how the future will unfold but rest assured that you are not living any version of your life that God didn’t already foresee. It may be a surprise to you, but you can't surprise God. Just as Peter did not surprise Jesus. Your steps are ordered, even the ones you tripped on.
And if you're wondering how I’m doing, I'm fine. I’m still feeding sheep the best way I can. I hope you're all still rocking with me as this journey continues to unfold.
Love, Peace, and TEA,
Ebony!
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